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Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Happy Birthday Me!

photo by: Babe-O 
On the eve of my birthday...

I love these on the eve posts. It's way more dramatic than just writing on my birthday.

Anyway, on the eve of my birthday, my mind is on so many things (when I should have my 23 weeks 3 days pregnant self in bed! (I only know my week and day because I saw my midwife yesterday and she had to look it up for me on her spin-y calender thing-y)).

I am remembering where I have been and the path I have journeyed on to get to this life - my life.
[Add in the crazy story about alcoholism and recovery, love and loss, personal discovery etc. etc. blah blah blah... Maybe another time, or maybe not.You can just read about me here and be spared a few gory details.]

Maybe most important is my tiny, growing baby, whom I never have any time to think about but lately have been preoccupied with. Partly because I can feel her move around a lot more often and partly because as March nears, I am more and more excited about the sacred space she will assume and reveal to us as she comes to be with us.  

I am also thinking a lot about my very hard to ignore, even if just to get the dishes done, babies - whose tenderness and independence have been surprising and a source of pride for me this week.

Babe-O has been saying Happy Birthday all week because well, he loves me and he knows there will be a big chocolate cake when the day finally arrives.  And when I tell him that it's not my birthday yet, he says, "well that's okay because I will say it anyway. Happy Birthday Mama." He's just so loving and tender hearted and full of anticipation and excitement.

And Babe-ala, she'll enjoy the chocolate cake too - hopefully she will put some clothes on for our little party, but that's asking for too much, I know. She has a little fire about her that has more recently developed. And the truth is that as much as it drives me absolutely insane that at 19 months she has an opinion about EVERYTHING (particularly the necessity of wearing a diaper when we travel outside of our house or the ongoing debate of safety as it relates to sitting down in ones highchair as opposed to doing acrobatics while eating yogurt) I totally LOVE the vigor with which she seems to feel and do everything she wants to do and the way she so completely and absolutely LOVES her brother. And I simply could not live with out the way she says Mama, Mama, Mama, MAMA! or radish.  

I am thinking about the women who birthed and mothered before me and travelled this worn path that seems so brand new to me at times. I am gathering some strength from the silken web that is woven between us, through time and the collective, as I prepare for my new baby and nurture all of my children daily. I am reminded of the growth that I have experienced as a mother of two and the growing that I have yet to do.

I am 36 tomorrow (not to be confused with 37 - which is what I have been saying every time someone asks me how old I will be- it's a good trick. I'll teach it to you. First you have to forget how old you are, which comes naturally to me. Second, don't do the math, also natural for me. Third, ask your husband/partner how old you really are and when the answer is younger than what you thought it's either a really good feeling or a really tired feeling. Either way I am not 37, I am 36 and I am super tired!) Seriously, I don't keep track of how old I am. I am just terrible with numbers or math or anything to have to do with numbers, like counting, or math. Maybe that's why I can't remember my age or maybe it's because I have finally gotten to the part of my life where as as much as the every day-ness of it all can get to me sometimes, I really do love my life. I don't spend time counting the days. It's not that I don't have days that I am just dying to get done with - it's that I spend my time living even those days, as fully as I can, with my family, with the love of my life, with our children.

Tomorrow will be a simple day. I will give myself the gift of protected time with my loves. No computer, no iphone, no distractions. We will go to the greenhouse for a few birthday plants. We will play at the indoor gym with our homeschooling friends. I will make an easy dinner from a new recipe. Diet Coke Papa and the Babes will make me a crazy fabulous chocolate cake. My Mom will come. We will play a few games together... and party like I am 37 (only I am really 36, I think).

It will be filled with the smiles, laughter, and even the complaints of people that I love and when it's nearing the end of the day, I will wish that it could go on for just a bit longer. And I will revel in the fact that the day after my birthday, I get to wake up and do it all again- under a different title.

If I get it right, I get to celebrate our lives, our life together every day.
I am so lucky and grateful for that.
Happy Birthday Me!

Creating new memories is The Best! What are some of your favorite birthday memories? 

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