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Wednesday, November 5, 2014

The Mamas Club

Welcome To the The Mother magazine's Blog Carnival: "Friendship and Connection" The Mother magazine is a holistic, natural mothering publication. It is with great pleasure that we share this topic with such a talented group of bloggers. You will find links to the each of the other posts at the end of this one. We hope you enjoy them!

It has been a terrible morning. 
There have been multiple spills, siblings yelling and hitting.
Breakfast is still all over the table and floor, and the living room.
There is what feels like a vortex of chaos at the very start of my morning.
It is loud. Grating. And difficult to remain patient on so very little sleep.
The strongest black coffee that I can brew hasn't made it into my cup yet.

The internal battle between the nurturing unconditional Mama and the pregnant woman who watches pandemonium unfold from outside of her own body is already raging at this early morning hour. I can feel myself unraveling. I know I am going to yell. I know I have to contain myself.

Pull it together. Breathe. Get the Coffee in the Cup. Try to Connect. 
It's hard to hear my own pep talk in the midst of this maelstrom. 
My little boy suddenly appears, smacks me in the belly and runs away. 
The top pops off.
I yell.  
A few not very nice words.
Everyone is tearful now and loud. 
I just made my job that much harder. And I feel terrible about myself. 
My auto-script of negative self-talk is about to unfold: 
I don't know what I am doing. I will never get this right. I am ruining them. Why can't I just be better at this? Why can't I just be a different person: a different Mom? 

Instead I decide on a sincere apology. We sit down in the hallway.  
Cry, talk, reconnect. Forgive.
After some reading time, play time, and a few giggles, I open my email. 
An invite from new friends to play in their sandbox this afternoon. 
Although this invitation comes as a relief I debate whether today is the right day for this venture.

These things can be hit or miss:
refereeing conflict between yet another child,
not sure of the exact right words to use this time,
trying not to sound like I am begging my children to leave when we have worn out our welcome,
and that feeling of not measuring up as I sit in another Mama’s pristine house with perfectly organized toys and labeled shelves to place them on.

These are exclusive clubs, you know, the "We Are Mamas Clubs".
Membership requires similar parenting tactics and/or principles, similarly behaved children, children that actually like each other, mothers that feel the same.
And I am still trying to find my tribe.
But okay, we need to get out and maybe it’s worth the risk.

I time it perfectly. The baby catches a quick nap in her car seat while my boy plays with friends. I sit on the stoop with my new friend watching the kids play in the falling leaves. 

"How's your day going?" she asks. 

"Uhh, terrible." I can’t help but unload. 

I tell her about this morning. I confess to yelling. I tell her about my unrealistic expectations of my children - of myself. I complain about all the little inconveniences and big hormones of pregnancy.

She rubs my shoulder and that is enough to lift some of the heaviness of the morning.
How rare it is to be mothered when you are a mother. 

She says, “ I remember when I was pregnant with my second a friend reminded me about the Goddess Kali. The mother goddess who is at once nurturing and vicious.” 

Photo: Premnath Thirumalalsamy
I remember Kali. The Mother who is simultaneously feared and adored, the bringer of destruction and creation. She suckles her offspring while ripping off the heads of those that stand in the way of peace. She is an archetypal conundrum and I am reminded that
I am not alone.

The baby has woken. We follow the kids inside. 
Our conversation slows as we attend to our children. But even being inside her house feels like the perfect thing today. 
It feels familiar here. 
Toys are everywhere. Unfolded laundry has been thrown into baskets and into the corner. Dishes are piled high in and around the sink. Uneaten lunch is still lingering on the table. 
It’s not only my house that looks like the hub of destruction and creation. 
Kids are yelling, running, making messes. 
We are calm. 
We are attentive. 
We redirect, affirm, smile, snuggle.
We nurse our babies midst the chaos. 
We are Mamas of Kali’s not- so- exclusive club. 

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Thank you for visiting The Mother magazine blog carnival, read further and enjoy the other fantastic bloggers!


Hope in the Heartache, Light in the Darkness

"A child heats your lap with a fever that rages fire. Your chest heaves, holding an unimaginable weariness like a weight pinning you to the floor. Tears threaten at your lashes. In this moment you want to cry out; for help, for understanding..." Follow Starr and The Mother magazineFacebookTwitter

The Mama Club

"The internal battle between the nurturing unconditional Mama and the pregnant woman who watches pandemonium unfold from outside of her own body is already raging at this early morning hour. I can feel myself unraveling. I know I am going to yell. I know I have to contain myself. Pull it together. Breathe. Get the Coffee in the Cup. Try to Connect."
Follow Kati from THE BEST THINGSFacebookTwitter

The Dream Friendship

"For me a true friendship is built on honesty, love, trust and belief in each other. When you have a friend with this kind of connection life is so much easier, especially the journey of motherhood." Follow Vicky from MOTHERING A DREAM •••

Twins and Friendship

"After I had my twins and the weeks turned into months I began to feel afraid the words may ring true. I began to feel estranged from my old self, as if she had died but I had just then realized it. I felt as if I were imprisoned in my own home..." Follow Miranda from Twinning ItFacebookTwitter •••

The Red Thread

"I feel blessed by the integrity of those women who I call friends, and am deeply thankful for the bonds that knit our lives together, even when we’re separated by long distances and busy lives. We connect at a heart level." Follow Veronika Sophia RobinsonFacebookTwitter •••

On Kindred Spirits

"At times, I envy the ease with which my toddler makes friends. When we are at the park, now that we're (mostly) past the how-dare-you-play-on-MY-slide phase, making friends is generally as simple as "I'm small; you're small; let's play!" And off Bug goes with whatever other little kid happens to be there that day, while I look on wistfully."
Follow Holly from Leaves of Lavender

Where Moms Make Friends in the Digital Age

"Before the Internet, moms met each other at Mothers’ Centers, when they dropped off and picked up their kids from nursery school, at child birth classes, in their neighborhood where moms used to knock on each others’ doors for tea and a chat, and at work"


  1. 'I am ruining them'- I thought I was alone with that though, what a relief to know i'm not, thank you for a beautiful post x

  2. How often it is that we think we are alone, yet we are all mothering and a part of the "collective Mama power" that our children all thrive on. Glad you found some comfort here! Thanks for commenting!

  3. My home pretty much always looks like a hub of destruction and creation. :) You are definitely not alone, but it sure does feel that way sometimes for all of us. You're just trying to do the best you can, as are we all!