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Monday, March 3, 2014

This moment.

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photo: Duck Family by Ari Moore

This is that moment.
The house is quiet.
Coffee is waiting to be had.
The day is waiting to begin with it's usual clatter of breakfast dishes.
I am awake before the clan.
Unusual that we have not awoken together.
I have this moment to think, to write. To myself.

The baby is stirring. She needs to be fed and be greeted on this new day.

This is that moment.
Well, not exactly that moment but mid morning quiet time.
Well, not exactly quiet time.
The coffee is hot and I have a few minutes to think, to write...
with the backdrop of jumping feet and make believe stories.

I am being asked to be a player in the puppet theatre.
How can I say no?


This is that moment.
Until my son took over the keyboard.

Okay. I may have "bought" myself this moment with a smoothie.
So now, this is that moment.
The one I have been waiting for all day.
To write down the steam of thoughts, goals, projects, questions I have about me, my kids, my life, our journey together.
To write them all down so that I see them on the screen and decide which make sense and which are just sleep-deprived meanderings.
Only, now that the moment is stretching out into minutes I am not sure where exactly to begin.
And I hear the dregs of smoothie being slurped up.
And I am starting to think of the to-do list.
     What am I making for dinner?
      I need to clean the floors. The bathroom.
      Did I cut their fingernails this week?
      Did I read enough books today?
      Are they turning out okay?
And I feel tiny hands pulling at my pant legs. Little, quiet "Ma. Ma. Ma's" asking for closeness.

Much more important things to do right now.
(Some snuggles and a story with my babies).

That moment is NOT this moment.
That moment is not coming today or tomorrow or any moment soon.
I am Mama.
I am needed. And I need.
More than a span of moments for myself.
More than any one complete task.
In this moment I am present.
In this moment, forever, I am with my children.

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