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Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Savor

Time goes by so fast. They say.

Everyone said this to me after The Babe-O was born. But I felt time was dragging by at a glacial pace.
With parenthood came, so much responsibility, so much of my identity uprooted and replanted, all kinds       of mundane and routine. Everything and everyone so new and such an archetypal role for me to fill - Mama. And wanting to do it all perfectly.

Truth be told, for all the precious moments of new baby bonding, snuggles and pride I have also secretly wished Babe-O to grow up. Wished time would pass just a bit more quickly.
Get us out of colicky, sleepless nights, diapers, the terrible twos that apparently extend into the threes.

With Babe-ala time has gone so fast. I am used to all the responsibility, a little more secure in my parenting skills or at least more trusting of my intuition. I have made friends (not besties but good friends) with the mundane, and am so very busy with a baby and an active three year old. Everything is much more of a blur. Time has gone by so fast. With Babe-ala I secretly wish to keep her small, to snuggle her for longer, to have more time to know her as a baby. And Babe-O is so big, so busy and spends more and more time exploring his independence.

Perhaps these are just the ways of mothering first and second children - not knowing what to expect, having high expectations for them and for myself, realizing how fast time has past, wanting to hold onto infancy/youth theirs and mine.

I am so grateful for the time we have together. I don't have to leave them to go to work. All of our days and nights are spent together. But do I really savor the time we have? Sometimes I just get through. Sometimes I am clinging to the walls waiting for Diet Coke Papa to get home. Sometimes I am so tired at the end of the day I have no interest in reliving the magic of growing that has occurred in the daylight.

I am resolving to savor the time we have together. Yes, even the certain drudgery that accompanies parenting at times. I am resolving to really soak in every moment, even the difficult and boring ones.

I want to SLOW DOWN.
Take notes and deep, deep breathes. Memorize the little things.
Say yes to more playing and play with my whole heart.
Organize the pictures and write the letters so that I will remember.
I want to keep them close...not rush them.

I want to give them my one REAL gift...my time: my whole attention.
Because isn't that the best feeling in the whole world?
Knowing that the one you are with truly and totally just wants to be there with you doing exactly that thing that you are doing.

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